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  1. After I got off stage, a drunk Texan approached me and said, “I got one for you. But it wasn’t until the last few days of the cruise that things got really crazy. Finally, the captain used the phrase “you’re not in trouble” – which always means that you are in trouble. After about 25 minutes of announcements, the captain ordered all the passengers back to their cabins until this missing woman was found. I waited in the hall because there was barely room for both of us, then went back inside when he finished. In response, the other one sighed wearily and said, “Here we go again.” Soon the captain announced that the search had ended; there had been an unfortunate accident, we could now leave our cabins, and please keep the Jameson family in our thoughts.

  2. ’ And he doesn’t even offer to pay for my train ticket. This is ‘Nomad’ a ‘well-groomed, well-travelled’ marketing director from Central London who claims his annual income is up to £800,000. ‘London till Monday then San Francisco, LA and New York over next two weeks, and then probably Tokyo after that.’ Brian frankly admits: ‘I am probably not right for romance,’ but adds: ‘I like to mix it up with interesting minds. Fresh veggies from the gardens and free range eggs.’ When I ask about his art, he says ‘theoretically I am a painter but I haven’t been doing well with that — no muse’.